My mind is craving social interaction.

Here I am, burning the remains of the incense sticks that I've burned for the past month, wishing that I had somebody to have an intelligent conversation with.

The fire is engulfing the sticks and matches, while slowly eating away at the sides of the dead candle that I am burning this in. Slowly, the bottom is filing with a mixture of melted wax and ashes. Soon, the wax will reach the tip of the flame, extinguishing it, only to harden into wax once again. But for now, it will have its fun rising. As I watch, I can see the flame get smaller and smaller as the wax rises gradually. When it was lit, it proceeded to being a roaring flame, but now it is calm, like a candle. The black wax is moving steadily however, rising and falling. I blew out all but the largest flame. It is above the candle's limit. I will let the wax drip slowly down the side of this candle that I have had for years. Now this work of art will be destroyed.

But the destruction of the art is just as artful as the art itself. By letting the wax drip down the side of the candle, it creates a new art form.

But it turns out the wax has diminished the flame too much for it to melt more wax. The art won't be created. Instead, I will have newly black candle wax with no wick.

I stuck incense in the wet wax and am letting it harden. It will be a good incense holder.

Trouble Brews In Memory Lane.

I remember, faintly, when I was very young. Once, while I was sitting in the back seat in a car with my mother and stepfather. I don't remember which was driving. I was in the left, and I think I was able to look forward and see my mother, so I think it was my stepfather. We were talking about numbers, and I remember thinking that the highest number in the world was 69. How my mind came to that, I don't know. I was 3... maybe 4 years old. Once I learned that there was an infinite amount of numbers- and that it all repeated in a pattern- I spent an entire day simply counting to myself just to see how high I could count in one day. I did it out loud, whispering to myself, so that I would not lose my place. As I passed people, they heard me reciting numbers up in the ten-thousands, and they gawked at me, a 4-year-old reciting such high numbers. Some of them asked what I was doing, and I told them, seeing their amused expressions and not understanding what was so funny.

I don't know what made me think of that, but I did. And when I thought of it, I felt that I had to put it down in my blog. I figure that, if I don't exercise my memories, they will simply go away forever, untraceable. In fact, I know this can happen, because it's been happening for many years. It wasn't necessarily conscious, but, realizing the pain engraved in some of my memories, my brain just... deleted them. Like files on a computer, they were wiped clean from the hard drive of my mind. I remember remembering things, but not the memory itself. I have memories of myself simply remembering, but not the memories of the actual event. It's really a pity, to know that I had memories engraved in my mind at one point, but those totally unique memories were suddenly... gone. The only difference between a hard drive and my brain is that there aren't any data-retrieval applications.

Honestly, it makes sense. I promise you. Just think about it.


--- To other topics ---

I did dye my hair on New Year's, but not blue. At Sarah's house, Eve and Sarah were both dying the ends of their hair red, so I decided to as well. It looked pretty badass. But my original intentions were to dye my hair blue, so today, having the chance to stay home from school, I dyed the ends of the hair blue, after washing the red hair dye out with shampoo and conditioner. However, instead of turning it the blue that I wanted, It simply made the hair a dark, dark purplish-blue. It looks black at a glance (which I want to dye it sometime anyway...), but a closer look reveals that it is really a dark blue color.

As for ear piercing, it was going to happen. Sarah's older brother, Mitch, was going to do it with a safety pin, something that he's done before, but, even after the safety pin sterilized, and the mark made on my ear with a sharpie, he voiced that he was feeling very apprehensive about it, and that if he messed up, he would feel very guilty. So, after all the planning, we decided to get an actual piercing kit from Spencer's. Next weekend we are all going to the mall and picking up one. So that idea will have to wait.

And the cleaning of the room couldn't happen because I didn't return home until last night. Of course, I'm going to proceed with it anyway.

New Year's Resolution: Stop being such a pussy and dress and act in the way that makes me happy, without giving a shit as to what others say or do about it.
music: Napoleon Dynamite Soundtrack

QUICK RANT TIME!

Napoleon Dynamite. One of the most annoyingly overquoted films of recent times. Many people regard it as an incredibly stupid movie, with humor that is only fit for losers.

But this movie is a very sweet movie. It depicts a very strange outcast, with an odd family, just trying to live. He has many difficulties, like his annoying Uncle Rico and his frustrating brother Kip, but he meets a good friend, Pedro, who is equally as strange as himself. Eventually, a shy girl named Deb comes into his life and, despite difficulties, they become good friends. This movie is very strange and not too professionally done, but it is a sweet movie all the same.