Meh. Just Meh. I can't think of a title.

Something is telling me that I need to write. But it's late on a school night. I was planning on playing sick tomorrow, but I still want to be coherent enough in case mom doesn't buy it.

Oh, and Mairead. About you finding yourself stroking your own face and neck while thinking of me - I do that too. I miss you incredibly. When I do, I hold on to the necklace that you gave me, and clutch it against my chest. It makes me feel bad that I didn't give you anything to remember me by over the week. To me right now, and until Saturday, you are this necklace. You are also the text on your blog. That is what you are. It sounds silly, yes, but you are replaced by these things in my mind. It makes me feel bad that you don't have some object to replace me. Well, not replace. Blasted English vocabulary... why must you be so limited in explaining things?

Oh, and I did make my room a hurricane. I blasted Modest Mouse, turned on my blacklights, put on a Halloween mask, threw stuff around the room, and plopped down on the pile of miscelannious objects. Yes, this mood was quite strange. I liked it, though. It was new. It was different but not negative or positive - like every other change that has happened recently. It was simply neutral. Not numb, but neutral. Big difference.

Oh, god. Now that I have a reason for the weekends, the weekday drags by. Tomorrow's only Wednesday... It feels like an entire week has passed already though.

Meh...

I'm finally feeling tired.

Nighty-night. Hopefully I can fool my mom tomorrow morning

New feeling

I've discovered a new feeling. I don't know what to call it. I felt this way today.

When I feel this way, Everything must be out of order. It must be messy and uneven in order for me to be comfortable. I must be irresponsible and lazy to satisfy myself. It's a good thing that I was at school when I felt this. If I were at home, than I would surely have proceeded to throwing everything I have on the floor in a pile, and then proceed to lay in it. Because that's exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted nothing more than to be a lazy, irresponsible, completely messy bastard. Well, not a bastard, really. I didn't want to be mean to people - I just wanted to lay down in a filthy room - on the hard floor, not on the bed, of course - and listen to music. It didn't matter what music, although I mainly wanted something familiar for some reason. Yes, the music was very important. In Geometry, there was no music, let alone the familiar music that I have come to love (such as Modest Mouse), so I was extremely uncomfortable. Andrew and Sarah were insisting on straightening our row of desks, but I wanted to keep mine ajar to the side because, otherwise, I felt extremely anxious.

The cure - music. Laziness and music, exactly what the mood makes me feel like experiencing. On the bus, I put on a familiar album on my ipod and layed down on the seat until I got off in Little Washington. It worked. It cured me. Although the feeling wasn't really a bad feeling at all. It was strange. It felt like a nuetral feeling. Certainly, it made me feel much anxiety, but the anxiety that I was feeling was unique. It was a new feeling, and I enjoyed experiencing it. I've felt this way several times before, but it was at home and music was readily accesible, therefore remedying it easily.

I'm feeling this feeling slightly right now, though. Familiar music seems to be bringing it on.
I hope I can control it enough not to destroy my room. I really do want to, honestly. I can't explain it. And no amount af logical talking could talk me out of having this desire. I'm going to proceed now to making my room look like it was the product of a tornado. I will put on familiar music and a familiar, somewhat bizarre movie, and destroy my room.

I feel so fucking weird right now.