Bawls and RLS

ugh... can't sleep....

I can see that, with the last post, my thoughts became less and less coordinated over time...

oh, crap... my RLS is kicking in...

My leg just began having the uncontrollable urge to shake... and now it wants to walk around...

but my mind is too un-coordinated to do so...

I'm going to order a case of bawls when I get the chance... $31.00 for 24 bottles? hell yes... great deal...

and it's a very nice drink too... it's got lots of caffiene (which would normally be considered bad for me because I'm sensitive to caffiene...) but, instead of giving me a jolt that lasts a few hours (such as with coffee), Bawls stretches the energy out through the day, giving me a constant, (but not uncontrollable, shaky feeling) burst of energy, allowing me to concentrate on schoolwork and shit like that...

And it comes in a niftily-shaped blue glass bottle, too!

I need some music... why did the music stop?

The Beginning

Why am I starting a blog?... I know that I will eventually abandon it... Nobody will read it... nobody will care... I honestly can't see myself writing in this. It's odd... because, even though it's inevitable that this will be abandoned (like every other record or journal or anything that I've created...), I still feel the need to write. When I read blogs, I am amazed that people have managed to keep them up and constantly being posted on. I want to be able to do that, but I'm too damn critical about my work. Whenever I look back on some sort of record of my thoughts or of my life or something, I constantly feel the need to change things around... make it different... what i don't realize is that however I wrote is a direct reflection on my life at the time- and that I need to save those things because even if I hate them now because I'm a critical bastard, someday I (or maybe someone else- who knows) will look back on this and my mind will explode with thoughts about my past.

Maybe, someday very, very soon something important will occur in my life, and in the future, when I look back on this, I will remember how I felt at the time of whatever important thing happened...

That probably doesn't make sense, but the main reason for starting a blog was for me to be able to write about how I feel and not change anything. So I won't change it...

I'm kind of tired... this is one of the few times that my mind is in the right mindset to be able to simply think freely, without having to stop and ponder over anything for more than a few seconds.

It feels nice, going through this page, without caring about what I write. Maybe, because I'm barely paying any attention to what I'm writing, I'll actually be able to realize how my mind works on the inside, without all of the complicated thoughts that constantly have to go through it.

Does that make any sense...? probably not...

Will this blog even be worthwhile? I don't think that anything in my life currently is very important or sad or abnormally happy or extreme in anyway... what will i use this blog for? probably just writing freely, like I'm doing right now...

What have I been writing for the past ten minutes or so? I haven't even been paying attention... My mind is somewhere else....

Modest Mouse can be pretty... i don't know... relaxing? More like modest mouse makes my mind wander, which is a good thing, i guess...

their music is somewhat far-off, usually with some very wierd background vocals that make you just want to sit back and... blagh....

good night.

wait a minute...

It's only 8:11... what else will I have to do?

I'm getting kind of sick of /b/ (yes I know i just broke rules 1 and 2...)... and I'm still in the "free" mindset where I need to do something to make my mind wander....

anyway...

random...?

-_-...

I wish I had a job... I want money so badly... I hate not being able to buy the things that I want.... and I hate being too young to earn money to buy the things that I want... although I wouldn't be able to buy those things anyway (whatever they are) because I won't be able to have any transportaion anyway, because I'm a lame-ass 13-year-old....

fuck...

I was determined to not mention my age on here... but whatever...

How much have I typed? I like typing a lot more than writing. I can get the idea through much faster than on paper and, with paper, my mind normally switches to some other topic before I can write down whatever I had just been thinking about...

should I stop now? I don't know...

Yeah... you are all probably bored with my ramblings...

Music: Life Like Weeds - Modest Mouse....

Don't be surprised if I don't care enough to log on here after tongiht... I probably won't....

whatever.

night.