Everyting Will Be Alright

Well, hello, all you avid readers of my blog!

...Meaning Sarah, Mairead, and Dad...

I just finished watching the movie, "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas". A very... interesting and bizzare movie. The main characters are stoned out of their minds throughout the entire thing.

Wait a minute... is bizzare not a word? it keeps underlining it in red when I type it....

*looks it up on dictionary.com*

Oh, dear. It appears as though I have been spelling it wrong for quite a while. It's spelled bizarre, not bizzare. What a pity... they took out one of the Z's.

I'm thinking.... I don't feel like writing what is really on my mind right now. Maybe the fact that people already read this hinders my ability to write freely. It would certainly appear that way. I, currently, have absolutely nothing to write about in this blog- because many of my thoughts are immediately regarded as thoughts I don't want to announce. I want somebody that I can feel like I can really trust, and be able to talk freely to about my life and my thoughts. I do have somebody like this. Her name is Sarah. What is going through my mind right now has already been made clear to Sarah, because I feel as though I can trust her.

I just took a moment of pause to think. Recently, I've begun to burn the side of my desk with a lighter. Of course, now that I have typed that sentence, all three of you will bitch at me for it, saying how much of a fire hazard it is. Please refrain from doing this. Let me do what I want...

One of the most pleasant smells is that of burning wood. Don't worry, it only creates a little flame that I can use as a substitute for a fire to stare in and think. It goes out within seconds. It just creates the aroma, while slowly, very, very slowly eating away at my desk. It doesn't matter if you think I'm destroying it. I've already personalized this loft bed so much. Scorch marks are on the part holding my mattress up, and every inch of it is covered with Sharpie- written lyrics to songs.

Look at that. I immediately feel the need to defend myself against whatever anyone might want to criticize me with. What a pity that I cannot write about myself freely anymore.

I must say I felt much more comfortable when nobody read this. I could write so easily about anything. This was only a few weeks ago.

If you are reading this right now, please do me a favor. Do not bring this blog up in front of me. I mean, you can talk about the blog itself, but please not the content. At least don't criticize the content. If this were to happen, I would lose all ability to write freely, something I would very much like to do. If somebody criticizes me, I will probably be discouraged enough to quit this altogether.

View this blog a the journal of a fictional character in a book. I've come to realize that most people could easily have their lives adapted into a book. Someday, I want to truly get to know as many people as possible, and write a book or maybe even a short story about each of them. If I've learned anything in my life, it is that everyone's life is not what it seems. Everyone who I've spent time getting to know has a much different life than I thought. People are very fickle creatures. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you know somebody's life as much as to know their deepest thoughts and feelings toward life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is- I wish I had more friends. More people to trust, more people to confide in, and, in turn, learn all about them. Their hopes, their fears, their deepest secrets. I simply wish I had more friends.

Music: Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers
Loneliness: Quite high