Stuff To Do.

Things that I hope to do before then end of 01/01/08

*dye my hair blue
*get my ear pierced
*make my room the cleanest it has been in years

Not a very large list- I don't want to set too many goals for myself. And the first two will probably be discouraged by my mother anyway, so it should be a challenge to get them done. As for the cleaning, that's just time-consuming.

music: Headlights - Snow Patrol
Deodorant: Old Spice

Too late.

I got to the sunset too late. Shades of pink and orange were fading away. The very tip of the sun must have just descended behind the mountains.

A few moments earlier, and a spectacular display may have been witnessed.

I guess I'll never know how beautiful that sunset really was.

Sunsets

Well.

The last shreds of light are leaving Decmber 31, 2007 A.D. forever.

I suppose now would be a good time to reflect on everything that has happened during the year as the sun slowly sets.

However, much of this year I would love to forget. Much of it my mind has blocked out completely, just like with the majority of my young childhood. In no less that 6 hours and 47 minutes, I will be standing in front of the kitchen clock, just finishing the countdown to 2008.

2008. It seems like such an... "advanced" year. I remember, vaguely, when it became 2000. I was the only one the was remotely interested in the fact (or so it seemed to me) that not only was it a new century, but a new millennium as well. The third one, to be exact. The chances of someone being alive at the very moment of a new millennium is very slim. I considered myself one of the lucky "few", "few" referring to the entire population of the planet at the time. And such a number is few, when compared to all the people that have been and all the people that are yet to be.

That night, at the dawn of 2000, was when I finally began thinking about years to come - not thinking about the future, per say, but more of the actual numbers themselves. This, however, did eventually begin to spark thoughts about my future. I remember wondering to myself, "What will I be doing exactly one year from now?", and trying to remember the exact date and time so that, one year later, I would be able to look back on what I was doing then and say "So this is what I'll be doing a year from then." I always ended up forgetting the date and time.

When I asked that to my mother, she would always reply with whatever I was doing at the time that I asked it. Once, I asked it during dinner, back when our family was a little bit more together and we ate dinner together sitting around a table, and she replied that I would probably be sitting down eating dinner. But things changed so often in this household back then. Within a year, I'm sure dinner would have been eaten at a completely different time or in a completely different place or in a completely different way.

I'm thinking to myself - Should I go outside and watch the last fragments of 2007's sun set?

But once again, I think. What assurance do I have that this sunset will be any different from others? It's just another day- another rotation of the planet in another rotation around the sun. These things we call "years", they could have started or ended at any month, but January and December were chosen. If the year began on the first of May, than everyone would want to go out and watch the sunset and stay up until midnight and have parties on the first of May, and January the first wouldn't be special at all. But instead, due to pure chance, January was picked to start, so that is the month that we celebrate on, whilst May 1 is viewed upon as just another day in the year.

So, if January the first was simply chosen by chance, than what is to say that it should be any different than any other day? The sunset should be the same- the weather should be the same as the days that are near it. Truly, it is nothing special in real life.

The skies are darkening. It is 5:33. The time at the end of these posts is completely wrong...

Why don't I take a peek outside at the sunset?

Music

I love music. Especially calming music. I'm listening to one of my favorite songs right now - Iron & Wine's acoustic version of Such Great Heights(a song originally by the postal service).

I haven't written lyrics to song on my bed for a while. I think I'll do that with this entire song.
"Such Great Heights"

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
And that frankly will not fly. You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home



Yes, that is copypasted. I didn't feel like typing out the song while listening to it. Destroyed the effect, you know? Another good band - The Moldy Peaches.

Their song - "Anyone Else But You" appeared in the film, Juno, which I have yet to see. I've known about them for only a few months, but their songs have made an impact on my life. I'd have to say my favorite song by them is called "Steak For Chicken". Both Adam Green and Kimya Dawson are both singing completely different lyrics simultaneously. Sometimes their words line up, sometimes they have references to whatever the other person is saying. It's a very pleasing song to listen to.

My incense ashtray is completely full. I've been burning them five at a time, making my room smoky but wonderful.

My mother just arrived with an energy drink. Now I will proceed onto both a sugar rush and calming music at the same time.

music: little motel - modest mouse
incense burning: 4

Well, I'm up late.

Well.

It's 1:07 AM.

My room is filled with smoke due to excessive incense burning.

I'm high on caffeine.

And for some reason, I feel very intellectual.

Why?

...


I don't know.

...

So I guess I will begin to write.

About....

things.

or maybe I'll post my poetry.

or smash my piggy bank.

Are these incense making me high?

I feel funny...

POETRY
(These are small things written in the middle of both english and american studies. If you expect them to be magnificent, you may be very dissapointed. You have been warned.)

WHAT IS THIS STORY?
(this has been adapted into a song.)

Why am I here?
Who am I near?
What is this place?
And how do I steer?

Who is the teacher?
Who are the kids?
When did these students
Become such pigs?

What is this story?
Is it written in pen?
Where's the beginning?
And where is the end?

The clock has stopped
At 3:19
What does it mean?
What does it mean?

What are the answers
To all that I've asked?
Does anyone know
How much time has passed?

GHOSTS
(Don't try to think too deeply about this one. Much of it, I've realized, makes little sense. I wasn't thinking all that hard when I was writing it anyway.)

What is life itself were dying?
Would it even be worth trying?
Walking through my past life's lying
Walking through the walls

If life itself would make a choice
To stand or sit and ignore the voice
Maybe then we'd see the light
Maybe it would be alright

These written words - these noisy birds
These little bits of hidden pits
These useless books - would you just look?
And see the dilemma that we're in?

If time and life (such petty things)
Would just for once agree on things
But time keeps going while life stands still
And time gets all while life gets nil

The ghosts are back - they're always here
They're too old to haunt me now.
Besides, in time, we won't be really
Different after all

THINGS OBSCENE

My breath is tasting sickly-sweet
My life is going down the drain
I see the words but I can't read
And inside we are all the same

It's true, you know - we're dark inside
The blood is bluish-green
The heart is clogged with nasty insults,
Empty holes, and things obscene

The stomach, it has grown in size
To gigantic proportions
It must be filled or it will cry
And scream and scream and scream

The brain is just a lump of mush
Gray and lifeless it does seem
But somewhere hidden deep inside-
A spark, a light, a laser beam

...

I just watched my incense burn out. My computer screen is no longer clouded with smoke. Now I can see what I'm typing more clearly.

Am I still on italics? oh... I am...

okay. that's better.

So. I am planning on making each one of those into songs eventually. Of course, that means I should be practicing guitar more. I haven't taken the guitar out in... like... a month.... I should do that sometime.

Why is it that I'm only in the mood to clean at like 1:00 in the morning? It's strange. My room is certainly coming along with it's cleanliness.

Whoa... I just realized... It's New Year's Eve!

Cool...

Meh... I never really do anything for the New Year. Stay home... maybe stay up until midnight...

Oh shit we have school tomorrow... I think...

at least that's what tyler said...

Just think- in less than 23 hours time, December 31, 2007 A.D. will be gone forever.

F
O
R
E
V
E
R
!

Are you sad yet? Will you miss 2007? Was it a good year? Are you getting annoyed at the fact that I'm barraging you with questions? Have I had coffee?

Why, yes.

Yes I have.

and now it's 1:38.

and I've been typing for 21 minutes.

Hell yes.

I knows subtraction!!

I know that I need to fall asleep. this post has evolved from what could have become an intellectual conversation to me blurting out random things that pop into my head.

And right now, I'm quite capable of thinking intellectually. However, nothing but sheer randomness is popping into my head.

meh.... livejournal/eblogger... what's the difference? You could begin a very good argument as to what the difference is and what the purpose of a blog is... but you know I won't listen. I am going to use this blog as a haven for my thoughts, whatever they may be. And my thoughts are quite random sometimes.

1:42. Inching on to 2:00 in the morning. I suppose I should be sleeping.


music: none (holy crap... I'm not listening to any music! that's a first...)
room: small

The end of blogging? So soon?

I seem to always start these posts with absolutely nothing on my mind, and then eventually begin thinking and having my mind work non-stop.

Absolutely nothing is on my mind right now.

So I guess I'm all set.

I bought presents for my friend today. Christmas presents....

5 days after christmas...

but whatever.

It's the thought that counts.

And of course, before today, I had absolutely no transportation anywhere.... but my mom's friend took me to the mannasas mall. She's a better mother than my mother is...

My sister is in the hospital. Not Morgan... Alana. She has some organ infected... I don't know which. I'm rarely ever told the details of.... anything....

I babysat my mother's friend's 8-year-old son last night. He's alright for an 8-year-old. Normally, I can't stand little children. They make me want to saw off my own head with barbed wire.... but Zane (that's his name) is actually pretty cool. For an 8-year-old. I mean, he can have very, very, very annoying moments, but all children have that. And, since he never knew his father, he looks to me as a father-figure, which is a responsibility that I would rather not have. He tries to act like me, he tries too look like me... when I saw him last night when his mom picked me up, he walked into the house wearing his hair in the same emo style that I do. meh...

I bought some blue hair dye at hot topic. Instead of dying all of my hair this time (which would be a lot harder than before because it's about twice as long....), I'm going to do streaks across my hair. Hopefully it won't end up making my hair gray like last time. I don't want to look like an old man.... wise as I may be.

Sherri (my mom's friend's name....) also gave me some matches so I finally have something I can light incense with. And no, as tempting as it is, I won't be using them for entertainment. My pyromaniacal days are over.

I need to clean my room some more...

These words aren't coming as naturally to me as they usually do...

Maybe my blogging days have finally subsided....

...after 6 posts...

hopefully not...

My mother is screaming across the house for me to empty the dishwasher. It probably isn't wise to not comply.

Music: The Good Times Are Killing Me - Modest Mouse
Mood: nuetral

Fucking computers... so frustrating... but you gotta love 'em!

Hmm... what should I do with my time? Something constructive(like writing a book)? Something useful(like emptying the dishwasher)? Something helpful(like fixing the computers)? Something that is a complete waste of time and will only make me lazier, despite the fact that it might be the only thing keeping me sane?

You: Like writing in a blog?

Austen: Precisely!

*sigh*

I should write more songs/poetry. They turn out very good, usually. I've written several already, and one of them has been made into a song.

Earlier today, I built a computer from scratch. Well, I attempted one, but got so frustrated with it that I deemed the piece of shit worthless and took out everything except for the motherboard. Then I moved on to the next computer (we have 4 broken...) and began to put it together, beginning with no RAM, no hard drive, no disk drive, no power supply, and a broken floppy drive (which I have yet to fix...). I put in the missing parts and connected everything that wasn't already connected (which was basically everything due to my experimentations with the interiors of computers at a young age...).

Eventually, it all was hooked up. I moved my computer with Ubuntu (the Linux-based system) off of the desk so I could use my monitor to experiment. I plugged up everything, with several things annoying me such as the lack of sufficient light and the pain that was developing in my back due to being hunched over a computer for the past 20 minutes, and turned it on. After a few tries, it finally worked. I was greatly relieved that I had finally managed to at least have it turn on and have the hard disk making noises, but the job wasn't finished yet.

For some reason, the video card in the computer was malfunctioning. I expected something like this to happen, because this is a very old computer. I had been prepared with another video card in case such a thing occurred. It was another old one, but I figured that, since it had never been used, it should work fine.

Well... It didn't. And I tried out the old video card again to no avail. I even switched monitors, once again with no effect.

So then, I moved this computer (the one with windows xp that I am using right now) away so I could attempt to use one more monitor for testing.

Something happened, mainly involving monitors with screws on the plug, and computers with screws in the plug, disrupting anyone who attempted to hook up the two.... Very frustrating, especially with such tiny parts. I tried all that I could to remove the screws. I used the smallest tools that I could. It didn't work. Eventually, I was led to use brute force, once again with no effect. Probably a stupid Idea anyway... don't use brute force with computer parts.....

So that didn't work, and by now I was thoroughly frustrated, in a messy room filled with errant computer parts. I had to navigate carefully around in order to even walk. For a few minutes, I paced around, my legs beginning to get restless, than I told myself to confront my frustration and clean my damn room!

So I drank some coffee for a burst of energy... (rather good coffee too... i think it's a different brand than usual...) and began to clean my room. I organized everything somewhat, just enough to keep me from going insane, and enough to be able to walk easily.

Then I got online. I ripped some CD's using Winamp. I made an announcement on myspace saying that I think it's stupid and I will no longer use it. I wrote a link to this blog. I took a picture of myself and edited it on mspaint to say "Goodbye, Myspace!" and set it as my default myspace picture. I went to my blog.

So that's my day. How was yours?

ketchup and such...

finally - something other than modest mouse!

and finally - something to do with my time! write in a blog!

I just realized how sad that sounds.... Do I really have nothing to do but this? Do I have no friends in which I can confide in and talk to or spend time with or have fun with or anything?

aw...

fuck...

So, anyway - I'm drowning out Morgan's Punk music by listening to the postal service in my room... good band... the effect is certainly elevated by these wonderful surround-sound speakers...

Somehow they manage to mesh both techno and calming music into one - which must be very difficult bcause techno is very energetic usually...

meh...

ketchup?

ketchup!

ketchup...

ketchup!-->


yay...

but how can you have ketchup without...

FRENCH FRIES!-->


music: Be Still My Heart - The Postal Service
room: in need of cleaning

absent-minded thoughts about my past

I should listen to someone other than modest mouse for once...

I've been listening to them and only them for about a week, although i did fall asleep listening to jack johnson on my ipod...

nothing is coming to mind... except for the music playing in my ears. I haven't listened to this album for a while, at least. I've been concentrating more on Modest Mouse's old albums like The Moon And Antarctica and such...

But this is a seriously good album. Good News For People Who Love Bad News is the title.... I think it might be my favorite album...

I've written all over my bed lyrics of songs that I like. It's getting challenging to find an empty space when hear some lyrics that I want to write. Many people think it's stupid that I'm writing lyrics to other people's songs on here and not my own work, but those are the people that would critisize my work to no end, so whatever I do will be wrong to them. And I'm not trying to "impress" anyone by doing this... it's just something I want to do. When I look at the lyrics, the song that they are from plays in my head... so it's just another way to hear songs without really hearing them. They would be on my wall as well, but this isn't exactly my house... we've been renting a house for the past 13 years.... since I was 6 months old...

13 years spent in this room... everything has been changed around so much... furniture stays the same... somewhat. My bookcase was replaced a few months ago... now it's at least one that doest fall apart if you touch it....

My dresser and my "toybox" have still stayed the same.... although they've moved everywhere in the room at one point or another...

God... I haven't opened that "toybox" in like a year... I should do that sometime... i might find something that interests me.

When I started, I remember, I had a crib right by the door and there was a small bed in the corner of the room... (i don't remember much else- i was like...1)

Eventually, when I was old enough, I was given a bed of my own... one that I was allowed to sleep in. Well, more like a queen-size matress on the floor, but whatever. A bed is a bed.

On the opposite side of the bed sat my desk, with my old shitty 64MB RAM computer... (I would describe it's faults in full if I weren't too lazy to get up and look for it...) I remember that it had no CD drive and that I had this computer game called "The Incredible Toon Machine"(which sounds like a little kids game but is actually still entertaining, despite being made in 1994...)- on CD of course. My computer had a floppy drive, and, of course, I thought CD drives and floppy drives were both the same thing, only in a different shape. I stuck the CD into the floppy drive and jammed it completely, ruining the CD and the drive.

And that was my first computer. What was I- like, 4? I started using computers at a very young age, and, of course, they were all PC's.

I was under the impression when I was little that apple computers were bad, mainly because I didn't know how to use them. I was completely a PC person. I still am. I understand that macs are incredibly more efficient for... basically everything... but still, I've been using a PC for about 2/3 of my life... I must learn how to convert to Mac.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. For 4 or 5 years, I had that setup in my room, until my stepfather ordered me a loft bed. It is like a bunk bed, only the bottom part is a desk. On the side of the bed, there is a ladder-type thing that you climb up onto th bed with. The bed is two feet or so from the ceiling, so I had to learn not to bump my head on it.

This is the bed I have now. On the desk, there are tow computers, one being the one that I am typing on right this second, and another one with a completely different operating system than windows. It is a Linux-based system, only much simpler than true Linux. Honestly, I can't see the point in an operating system that can't run .exe's on it... but I'm going to give it a try.

...

is modest mouse still playing? oh, wait... it's on the last song in the album. Wow.

I've been typing for a while.

Like... a half-hour of non-stop thinking and typing.

Wow.

...

My mind has suddenly blanked.

So I will part.

Music: White Lies Yellow Teeth - Modest Mouse
Mood: Thoughtful.

Bawls and RLS

ugh... can't sleep....

I can see that, with the last post, my thoughts became less and less coordinated over time...

oh, crap... my RLS is kicking in...

My leg just began having the uncontrollable urge to shake... and now it wants to walk around...

but my mind is too un-coordinated to do so...

I'm going to order a case of bawls when I get the chance... $31.00 for 24 bottles? hell yes... great deal...

and it's a very nice drink too... it's got lots of caffiene (which would normally be considered bad for me because I'm sensitive to caffiene...) but, instead of giving me a jolt that lasts a few hours (such as with coffee), Bawls stretches the energy out through the day, giving me a constant, (but not uncontrollable, shaky feeling) burst of energy, allowing me to concentrate on schoolwork and shit like that...

And it comes in a niftily-shaped blue glass bottle, too!

I need some music... why did the music stop?

The Beginning

Why am I starting a blog?... I know that I will eventually abandon it... Nobody will read it... nobody will care... I honestly can't see myself writing in this. It's odd... because, even though it's inevitable that this will be abandoned (like every other record or journal or anything that I've created...), I still feel the need to write. When I read blogs, I am amazed that people have managed to keep them up and constantly being posted on. I want to be able to do that, but I'm too damn critical about my work. Whenever I look back on some sort of record of my thoughts or of my life or something, I constantly feel the need to change things around... make it different... what i don't realize is that however I wrote is a direct reflection on my life at the time- and that I need to save those things because even if I hate them now because I'm a critical bastard, someday I (or maybe someone else- who knows) will look back on this and my mind will explode with thoughts about my past.

Maybe, someday very, very soon something important will occur in my life, and in the future, when I look back on this, I will remember how I felt at the time of whatever important thing happened...

That probably doesn't make sense, but the main reason for starting a blog was for me to be able to write about how I feel and not change anything. So I won't change it...

I'm kind of tired... this is one of the few times that my mind is in the right mindset to be able to simply think freely, without having to stop and ponder over anything for more than a few seconds.

It feels nice, going through this page, without caring about what I write. Maybe, because I'm barely paying any attention to what I'm writing, I'll actually be able to realize how my mind works on the inside, without all of the complicated thoughts that constantly have to go through it.

Does that make any sense...? probably not...

Will this blog even be worthwhile? I don't think that anything in my life currently is very important or sad or abnormally happy or extreme in anyway... what will i use this blog for? probably just writing freely, like I'm doing right now...

What have I been writing for the past ten minutes or so? I haven't even been paying attention... My mind is somewhere else....

Modest Mouse can be pretty... i don't know... relaxing? More like modest mouse makes my mind wander, which is a good thing, i guess...

their music is somewhat far-off, usually with some very wierd background vocals that make you just want to sit back and... blagh....

good night.

wait a minute...

It's only 8:11... what else will I have to do?

I'm getting kind of sick of /b/ (yes I know i just broke rules 1 and 2...)... and I'm still in the "free" mindset where I need to do something to make my mind wander....

anyway...

random...?

-_-...

I wish I had a job... I want money so badly... I hate not being able to buy the things that I want.... and I hate being too young to earn money to buy the things that I want... although I wouldn't be able to buy those things anyway (whatever they are) because I won't be able to have any transportaion anyway, because I'm a lame-ass 13-year-old....

fuck...

I was determined to not mention my age on here... but whatever...

How much have I typed? I like typing a lot more than writing. I can get the idea through much faster than on paper and, with paper, my mind normally switches to some other topic before I can write down whatever I had just been thinking about...

should I stop now? I don't know...

Yeah... you are all probably bored with my ramblings...

Music: Life Like Weeds - Modest Mouse....

Don't be surprised if I don't care enough to log on here after tongiht... I probably won't....

whatever.

night.